John Small
The John And Heidi Show

A Chinese man who had an eggplant stuck in his body claimed that he had inserted the vegetable into his rectum in a bid to cure his constipation. According to the hospital, the large vegetable had apparently moved up along the 50-year-old man's intestines before reaching his upper abdomen. Doctors claimed when they found the eggplant, it had nearly reached the patient's heart. According to Kan Kan News, the man went to the hospital on May 30th - two days after he had put the vegetable into his body. He said he had been unable to retrieve it by himself. The 50-year-old claimed to have suffered constipation for four days before he attempted to cure it with the vegetable. He told the doctors he thought the vegetable could act as a laxative to increase his bowel movement. He underwent surgery and had the eggplant removed. (
A woman who has been diagnosed with mechanophilia, a sexual attraction to vehicles and machines, recently caused a disturbance in her Pennsylvania neighborhood when she bolted from her home and chased after cars to which she was attracted. Cops in West Norriton, a township about 25 miles from Philadelphia, received a call on April 18th about a woman running in the roadway who was being chased by two other females. Officers determined that the pursuers were a pair of home health aides assigned to the woman who was running towards a Marshalls department store. When cops approached the woman outside the store, she said that she “was not trying to get hit by any cars, she was only trying to see them because she is attracted to them.” Police explained to the woman that “her actions were dangerous and she needed to go home.” Officers subsequently returned the woman to her residence, where she kissed, hugged, and became “emotional over a white Nissan Pathfinder that she called ‘Husky Bear.’” (

A transgender inmate is suing a North Carolina prison, saying it’s blocking her from practicing witchcraft. 40-year-old Jennifer Ann Jasmaine says in the lawsuit that chaplains at the all-male Lanesboro Correctional Institution have violated her constitutional rights by restricting when, where, and how she can practice Wicca, the religion based on ancient pagan beliefs. Jasmaine also says Lanesboro refused to provide her with the foods Wiccans are supposed to eat. By contrast, Jasmaine said Christian inmates at Lanesboro are allowed to worship six times a week, while Native Americans can conduct their rituals three times weekly. Jasmaine says she wants to hold outdoor services twice a week. She has called on the prison to provide the religious items, clothing, and food she needs to properly practice witchcraft, including the go-ahead for her to light candles and a fire. According to prison records, Jasmaine — then named Duane L. Fox — was sentenced in July 2014 to 16 years in prison for second-degree sexual offense.
New Jersey Cops have been accused of harassing fellow officers with a sex toy dubbed “big blue,” as they’ve given a whole new meaning to “long arm of the law.” The entire police department was called out last week in a lawsuit, along with borough officials, for allowing “harassing, inappropriate, and illegal conduct” — including the unabashed use of a large dildo dubbed “Big Blue” to pick on fellow officers. Five Mountainside cops and one employee are suing the borough, claiming they let the abuse go on for years. Their accusations are aimed at two officers, one of whom was named “Cop of the Year” by the local Police Benevolent Association in 2014. They include getting hit in the head with Big Blue, forced tickling, ramming a flashlight “up the backside” of male officers, flashing their testicles at other cops — and even placing them in people’s food.

A man who was arrested for measuring his penis with a ruler while at a urinal inside a University of Iowa bathroom has struck a plea deal that will spare him jail time, but which requires completion of a sex offender treatment program. 44-year-old Thomas Morgan was arrested on multiple indecent exposure counts following a bizarre incident inside the school’s Main Library in Iowa City. Police reported that Morgan “partially turned his body towards the victim/witness,” who was using a urinal at the time. Morgan then “measured his penis against a cardboard ruler.” The victim told cops that Morgan “made a comment regarding his size,” adding that he “felt weird and uncomfortable” seeing Morgan’s “semi-erect penis.” The man added that atop two of the urinals were cardboard rulers with “dark sharpie markings regarding penis size.” During a court appearance, Morgan pleaded guilty to four counts of simple harassment. A plea agreement calls for him to receive a 30-day suspended sentence on each of the misdemeanor counts. Morgan will also serve a year of self-supervised probation and is prohibited from having contact with any victims for five years.(

A Florida man who was recently arrested for masturbating at a bus stop identified himself as James Tiberius Kirk upon his arrest by a Clearwater Patrolman. The patrolman reported that the perp claiming to be Captain Kirk was spotted vigorously “stroking his penis that was under his shorts.” Investigators alleged that the action “corrupted the public morals and sense of public decency.”
Upon being arrested for disorderly conduct, the man said that he carried no ID, but gave his name as that of the commander of the starship USS Enterprise. Cops actually did a “wants/warrant check” on the Kirk name, which came back with negative results. Police subsequently used a facial recognition program to determine that “Kirk” was actually 56-year-old James Roger Bundrick. In addition to the disorderly conduct rap, Bundrick was charged with a second misdemeanor, providing a false name to law enforcement. He is being held in the Pinellas County jail in lieu of $400 bond. (