We try to produce a family friendly radio show... these stories were carried on
other shows, but we choose not to air them. I know there are some who want
to hear this... so here you go. Some funny... and DISTURBING stuff we didn't
put on the radio! ;-)
After
summoning an EMT crew with a complaint of shortness of breath, a
Florida Man got “fully naked” in the rear of an ambulance and
began masturbating “in the presence of first responders,”
according to police who say the suspect wore a condom and used an ice
pack while pleasuring himself. Investigators say that 30-year-old
Terry Majors, called 9-1-1 Thursday afternoon seeking medical
assistance. But once inside a Sunstar ambulance, Majors allegedly
removed his clothes and began masturbating, according to a
misdemeanor criminal complaint. Majors, who “was wearing a condom”
at the time, was “looking at EMTs that were trying to treat him”
while he was pleasuring himself. At some point as the ambulance
traveled in St. Petersburg, Majors “asked for an ice pack,” which
he then “proceeded to fold...and masturbate with” while en route
to the hospital. “First responders will like to prosecute,”
reported Officer Hannah Duran. Majors was charged with exposure of
sexual organs, a misdemeanor, and booked into the county lockup. He
was freed Friday morning on his own recognizance. Majors was recently
released from jail after serving a one-year sentence on felony drug
charges (he was busted for selling crack cocaine to an undercover
cop). He previously served time in state prison for
burglary.(https://bit.ly/3vrbOzw)
A
man in India has died after gluing his penis shut, instead of using a
condom.
https://bit.ly/3jj47Y1
A UK couple were left red-faced when they had to be rescued from their vehicle — after it flipped over as they had sex. The fumbling fornicators had been “strengthening their relationship” one evening last week after parking their Toyota Yaris on a secluded road in Derbyshire. But during their throes of passion, one of them knocked the handbrake, sending the small car rolling down a hill and onto its side. Neither of them was injured in the car-nal misadventure. Not surprisingly, social media users mocked the randy pair. “‘Strengthening their relationship’ possibly the best euphemism ever,” one wrote. “Did they feel the earth move …..,” another asked. “Would love to see the insurance claim form…,” yet another said. “He’s lucky, could have bent his gearstick,” a fourth said, naughtily. (https://bit.ly/3udZnXj)
A customer shopping for a used car discovered a naked woman pleasuring herself in the rear seat of a 2010 Jeep Wrangler parked outside a Florida auto dealership. Police were called Wednesday afternoon to Bob Tyler Toyota in Pensacola after “a customer complained to a sales associate about a naked woman in the back seat of one of the vehicles on the sale lot.” When a dealership manager opened the Jeep’s door, he said he spotted 37-year-old Alexis King “naked, with her legs spread wide open.” A receptionist reported that the suspect was “pulling at her vagina.” A third employee, who called 9-1-1, told police that a coworker called him “to the front lot to get a vehicle that a homeless woman was inside pleasuring herself.” After King exited the auto and walked away from the dealership, employees noticed damage to the car’s interior, including a broken radio and a “period stain” on the back seat. A manager estimated that King caused $1300 in damages to the Jeep. King was charged with burglary, criminal mischief, indecent exposure, and providing police with a false name. She is being held in the Escambia County jail on $7,000 bond. (https://bit.ly/3m98Tay)
The 53-year-old fiend who jabbed a woman in the rear end with a semen-filled syringe has been sentenced to a decade in state prison following his guilty plea to assault charges. A Maryland Circuit Court judge yesterday sentenced Thomas Stemen in connection with his attack last year on a female shopper at a grocery store in Churchton, a community 40 miles outside Baltimore. Stemen, who in June pleaded guilty to felony and misdemeanor assault counts, was sentenced to twenty-five years on the top count, but a judge suspended all but ten years of that penalty. Stemen has been locked up in the Anne Arundel County jail since his arrest last February. While court records list Stemen’s residence as a private home in Toledo, Ohio, he has resided in the Churchton area in recent years. As captured by surveillance cameras at the Christopher's Fine Foods market, Stemen snuck up from behind on Katie Peters as she was returning a shopping cart. He then jabbed her in the buttocks with a syringe, causing Peters to recoil in pain. A police review of security footage showed that Stemen unsuccessfully tried to stab two other female shoppers. When Stemen was identified days after the attack and confronted by police, he was in possession of one syringe, while a second needle was found in his vehicle. Lab tests subsequently determined that both syringes contained semen. (https://bit.ly/3ngi8rA)
A man allegedly defecated in a grocery store freezer Sunday night, and a woman who was shopping accidentally put her hand in it while reaching for groceries that were covering it. “I pick up a bag of pizza rolls and there’s literally s–t,” Shirley Wright-Johnson said in a video of the incident. “Human s–t. Excuse my language.” A Sunday trip to the Crest grocery store for she and her kids turned out to be more than what the Moore mom bargained for. “I was upset, I was disgusted, I feel like I was violated,” she said in an interview with KFOR. Wright-Johnson said she is still trying to comprehend what happened while picking up a bag of pizza rolls in the freezer section. Wright-Johnson said she immediately alerted employees, cleaned her hands and headed home with her two kids she was at the store with. “I bleached my hand, I disinfected my hand,” she said. “All the way home they still were like, ‘Mom, I can smell it, I can smell it.’ I’m like, ‘I smell it too, baby.'” KFOR reached out to Crest numerous times, but we never received a comment. (https://bit.ly/3ElVcx9)
A judge has ordered a western Michigan couple to pay $30,441 to their son for getting rid of his pornography collection. U.S. District Judge Paul Maloney’s decision this week came eight months after 43-year-old David Werking won a lawsuit against his parents. He said they had no right to throw out his collection of films, magazines, and other items. Werking had lived at their Grand Haven home for ten months after a divorce before moving to Muncie, Indiana. The judge followed the value set by an expert. Werking’s parents also must pay $14,500 to their son’s attorney. After moving to Indiana, Werking learned that his possessions were missing. “Frankly, David, I did you a big favor getting rid of all this stuff,” his dad said in an email. (https://bit.ly/3zFSpfT)
The South Carolina couple who pleaded guilty earlier this year to multiple indecent exposure charges--one of which involved a sex act in a glass gondola on the Myrtle Beach SkyWheel--was arrested for allegedly again committing illicit acts in public. 36-year-old Lori Harmon and 37-year-old Eric Harmon were booked into the Horry County jail on indecent exposure charges. The couple, married for seventeen years, was also charged with participation in preparation of obscene material. According to arrest warrants, the Harmons in late July engaged in a sex act while inside a photo booth at an arcade. Lori is also accused of exposing herself and participating in sex acts with another individual while on the front porch of the couple's residence. Eric was charged with “preparation of the obscene film that occurred at the incident location,” footage that was posted to Twitter. The Harmons were arrested twice earlier this year in connection with a series of indecent acts--many of which they recorded--in Myrtle Beach and nearby Surfside Beach, the town where the couple resides. As detailed in a court filing, one of the pair’s X-rated encounters occurred in January inside a glass gondola on the oceanfront Myrtle Beach SkyWheel. Video posted to Pornhub showed Lori exposing her breasts and performing oral sex on her husband, “who has his penis exposed.” The act, investigators alleged, occurred “within the view of the public.” (https://bit.ly/3CGJw6M)
As recent news out of the Orange County Sheriff's Office will tell you, the law doesn't look too kindly on dance moves. A Florida man found that out the hard way this week, when he was tased after twerking during a traffic stop on September 7th. In video captured by a passing motorist, Richard Wolfe of Crystal River rubs himself on the outside of his SUV while thrusting his hips at a police officer. The 57-year-old proceeds to get down and twerk before dancing into the traffic lanes of State Road 44 in Inverness. At one point, Wolfe removed a knife from his waistband and tossed it into the grass. "What are you scared of? I got knives, you got a gun!" he yelled at the officers, per their arrest report. Wolfe was initially pulled over for using the grass median and turn lanes to pass traffic. After being tased and arrested, he was booked on charges of resisting an officer without violence, fleeing from law enforcement after being ordered to stop, and reckless driving. Unfortunately for Wolfe, ignorance of the booty and knowing when you’re shaking it is no excuse (as established in Rumpofsteelskin v. US). (https://bit.ly/3zZBrcq)
A woman arrested for masturbating with a vibrator on a Georgia beach told police that she did not think anyone witnessed her self-pleasure session “because it only took her twenty seconds to orgasm.” Responding to a 5:30 p.m. report of a woman “performing a sexual act on the beach,” Tybee Island cops last month interviewed a witness who said the female suspect placed a towel on the sand and then opened her backpack and removed “what looked like a vibrator.” The woman, the witness told police, began using the apparent vibrator to masturbate, adding that she “could hear her moaning.” After about five minutes, the woman gathered her belongings and departed. The witness, cops noted, recorded the suspect’s actions. A review of the video showed the suspect--who was wearing a “one-piece green bikini--retrieve an unknown item from her backpack. The woman “then spreads her legs apart and puts both of her hands in between her legs,” police reported. Investigators subsequently located the suspect, 34-year-old Christina Revels-Glick at a nearby restaurant. Revels-Glick “admitted to masturbating at the beach with her vibrator.” She “advised that she had put it between her legs and it was covered with a towel” and that she “believed that no one saw her.” When she was booked for indecent exposure and disorderly conduct, she “uttered that she was sorry for what she did” and that she “did not think anyone saw her because it only took her 20 seconds to orgasm.” (https://bit.ly/3yqV9vW)
A teen was apprehended for allegedly masturbating inside a car at a department-store parking lot in Fairfield County, Connecticut. 19-year-old Byron Menendez was arrested in Wilton after officers were called to the TJ Maxx parking. When police arrived, they spotted a gray Subaru Impreza leaving the parking lot. An investigation was conducted and officers identified Menendez as the suspect. He was charged with public indecency and released on a promise to appear ticket. He is scheduled to appear in court on Monday, Sept. 13th.(https://bit.ly/3tlK8es)
A Tennessee man had an unorthodox and no doubt a painful response to being pursued by police. 39-year-old Tyson Gilbert of Cookeville, Tennessee, reportedly cut off his penis and threw it out the window of his Honda Accord while fleeing officers. The chase began when police found him parked partially in the way of traffic on Highway 70 near the town of Dowelltown. Speaking to radio station WLJE, Tennessee Highway Patrol (THP) Trooper Bobby Johnson said that the man took off when officers initially tried to signal him with their lights. Officers ultimately ended up pursuing Gilbert across two counties, from Dowelltown to Lebanon. Somewhere along the way, he managed to cut off his own penis. At one point during the chase, he turned onto a side road and opened his car door, giving officers a glimpse at his bizarre and frenzied state. Police eventually slowed him down with spike strips and were then able to box him in, ending the pursuit. But it took a few tries. Gilbert reportedly said that he severed his own penis because he had been instructed to do so by voices coming from the radio. The voices, he explained, told him he needed to do so in order to save the world. (https://bit.ly/3kCbZmH)
Anal sex became the surprise agenda item at a school board meeting in Texas after a mother chastised educators for stocking a sexually explicit book in school libraries. Local mother Kara Bell was aggrieved that a passage from the 2015 young adult novel “Out of Darkness” by Ashley Hope Pérez depicted “cornholing,” which she later found out was a euphemism for anal sex. (https://bit.ly/3CtRzUq)
A new report claims China is cracking down on effeminate men. (https://bloom.bg/2VZA3I1)
He backed up his hard drive — and his penis. A U.K. teen had to undergo emergency surgery after a crazy attempt to measure his manhood resulted in him getting a USB cable lodged in his urethra. The phallic fiasco reportedly began after an unnamed 15-year-old boy was "triggered by sexual curiosity" and inserted a USB wire into his urethra. The sexperiment backfired when the cable became lodged in the curious teen’s scrotum like an electronic catheter. Despite attempts to extract it himself, the USB cord became tangled so terribly that both ends were left hanging out of his wired willy. The plugged-up boy’s family transported him to the hospital after he began urinating blood. After initial attempts to remove the wire failed, the teen was transferred to University College Hospital London to see if they could extricate the intra-penile measuring tape. Per the report, the embarrassed boy asked to speak to doctors without his mother present, whereupon he "confessed" to his frightening escapade. Subsequent X-rays revealed that there was a veritable Gordian Knot of USB wire inside the teenager, which required surgeons to make an incision in the region between his genitals and anus to yank it out. Thankfully, the boy recovered without incident and was discharged from the hospital the following day. (https://fxn.ws/2XJjoJo)
A Los Angeles County sheriff’s deputy who allegedly had sex while on duty at Universal Studios and mistakenly left his microphone on for a dispatcher to hear has been fired, according to a report. The deputy was fired for violating departmental policy during the X-rated encounter in December with a woman near the Bates Motel section of Universal Studios Hollywood. “Oh,” the deputy’s giggling love interest moaned at one point on the lustful clip. “Oh, my goodness!” Law enforcement sources told TMZ the purportedly frisky deputy had been fired. He was previously removed from duty after an internal investigation was launched in December after the minute-long clip surfaced. “The administrative investigation has concluded regarding this incident,” sheriff’s officials told TMZ. “The administrative process is still unfolding and we are unable to share further details at this time, but what we can say is Sheriff Alex Villanueva takes allegations of misconduct very seriously and expects peace officers to hold themselves to the highest moral and ethical standards.” The deputy can appeal his termination, TMZ reported. A dispatcher can be heard telling the deputy that he had an “open mic” after his female companion moaned and breathed heavily on the steamy audio clip. It’s unclear whether he was inside his patrol cruiser at the time or was outside the vehicle nearby while near the Bates Motel on the Universal Studios lot. (https://bit.ly/3FufANw)
A naked man wielding a “lengthy and pretty thick” homemade spear in Ohio was shot by deputies as he charged at them during an ambush attack. The suspect came within a “couple feet” of deputies when he was shot and wounded in Center Township after a woman called to report a naked man in his 50s pounding on her door, according to the Monroe County Sheriff’s Office. Deputies first received a report of a nearby suspected arson late Tuesday and responding investigators found the residence didn’t have any heat or electricity. Hours later, a woman called deputies just after midnight to alert them to a naked man who was in the entryway of her home and trying to break in while yelling that he was stabbed and “wanted in,” sheriff officials said. Deputies returned to the area where the suspected arson was reported along with Woodsfield police to find the naked suspect. Another person called 9-1-1 to report that someone had been trying to break into his home and ripped off screen doors to the residence. Investigators couldn’t find the naked suspect at the second home, but continued to check nearby residences, where they tried to make contact with another homeowner. A “naked male” suspect then jumped out at the deputies and Woodsfield police in an ambush attack as they continued to look for him, sheriff officials said. “This subject immediately charged the officers with the homemade spear and came within a couple feet of the officers before the suspect was shot,” department officials said in a statement. Monroe County deputies and Woodsfield police gave first aid to the wounded man, who was taken to a hospital. (https://bit.ly/3mzh0gJ)
A nurse unsuccessfully sued the NHS after claiming she was being “experimented upon” at work causing her to fart against her will. Xandra Samson said hypnosis was being used on her at Ealing Hospital, London. Poor heating and ventilation at the acute medical unit altered her state of consciousness and allowed bosses to “control” employees, she claimed. She refused to cooperate with psychiatric help and was sacked in December 2019. At an employment tribunal, the former staff nurse said she was suffering from unwelcome “gastrointestinal disturbances” at work including flatulence. She self-diagnosed herself as being the target of “ideomotor phenomenon” – a little-known hypnotic concept which allegedly forces people to make movements unconsciously. She tried to sue the trust for unfair dismissal and disability discrimination but lost her case at Watford Employment Tribunal Centre. Employment Judge Oliver Hyams admitted the tribunal “had no idea what ideomotor phenomenon” was, ruling the trust did not discriminate against Miss Samson or unfairly dismiss her. (https://bit.ly/3DMVqMN)
